Practical Techniques for Communicating with a Person with BPD

Person with BPD

Communication is an essential aspect of human interaction, and it plays a crucial role in building and maintaining relationships. However, communicating with individuals who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be challenging. BPD is a mental health disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels, and interacts with others. People with BPD often experience intense emotions, which can lead to impulsive behavior and unstable relationships. In this article, we will discuss practical techniques for communicating with a person with borderline.

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Understanding BPD

Before discussing practical techniques for communicating with individuals with BPD, it is crucial to understand what BPD is and how it affects people. BPD is a personality disorder characterized by intense and unstable emotions, self-image, and relationships. People with BPD often struggle with a sense of self, which can make them feel unsure of their identity. They may also have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to impulsive behavior and mood swings. In addition, individuals with BPD may have difficulty trusting others and establishing stable relationships.

Validate their Feelings

When communicating with individuals with BPD, it is essential to validate their feelings. People with BPD often feel triggered and experience intense emotions, and they may feel invalidated or misunderstood by others. Validating their feelings involves acknowledging and accepting their emotions without judgment. For example, saying “I understand that you feel angry right now, and that’s okay,” can help them feel heard and understood.

Use a Calm Tone

It is crucial to use a calm and non-judgmental tone when communicating with individuals with BPD. People with BPD may be sensitive to perceived criticism, which can lead to defensive behavior. Using a calm tone can help them feel more at ease and less defensive. It is also important to avoid using language that may trigger negative emotions or set off their defense mechanisms.

Set Boundaries

Learning how to set boundaries is essential. People with BPD may struggle with establishing healthy boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others. Setting clear and consistent boundaries can help them feel more secure and in control. For example, stating “I understand that you are upset, but I need you to stop yelling at me” can help establish a boundary and prevent the situation from escalating.

Focus on the Present

People with BPD may have difficulty regulating their emotions and may have a tendency to focus on the past or future. Focusing on the present can help them stay grounded and focused on the conversation at hand. Using language that emphasizes the present, such as “right now” or “in this moment,” can help them stay focused on the current situation.

Use Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement can be an effective technique for communicating with individuals with BPD. People with BPD may have low self-esteem and may struggle with recognizing their positive qualities. Using positive reinforcement, such as acknowledging their strengths or praising their efforts, can help build their self-esteem and increase their sense of self-worth.

Listen actively

Active listening is a vital component of effective communication. It involves focusing on the speaker and responding with empathy and understanding. Active listening can help individuals with BPD feel heard and understood, which can help build trust and improve the overall quality of communication.

Avoid Triggering Topics

People with BPD may have specific triggers that can set off intense emotions or defensive behavior. Avoiding triggering topics can help prevent escalation and promote productive communication. It is also important to be aware of your own triggers and how they may affect the conversation.

Be Patient

Communicating with individuals with BPD can be challenging, and it may take time to establish effective communication. It is essential to be patient and persistent in your efforts to communicate effectively. Building trust and establishing healthy communication habits can take time, but it is worth the effort in the long run.

Use “I” Statements

Using “I” statements can be an effective way to communicate your feelings without coming across as accusatory or judgmental. For example, saying “I feel hurt when you speak to me that way” is less likely to trigger defensiveness than saying “You always speak to me in a hurtful way.”

Avoid Labels or Diagnosis

Avoid using labels or diagnostic terms when communicating with individuals with BPD. Labels or diagnosis can be stigmatizing and may make the individual feel ashamed or invalidated. Instead, focus on the behavior or situation and how it is affecting you or the relationship.

Practice Self-Care

Communicating with individuals with BPD can be emotionally draining, and it is essential to prioritize your own self-care. Practicing self-care can help you manage your own emotions and stay grounded during challenging conversations. This can include activities such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with supportive friends and family.

Seek Professional Help

If you are struggling to communicate effectively with an individual with BPD, it may be helpful to seek professional help. Orillia counselling can provide you with tools and strategies for effective communication and help you navigate challenging situations.


In conclusion, communicating with individuals with BPD can be challenging, but it is possible with the right techniques and strategies. Validating their feelings, using a calm tone, setting boundaries, focusing on the present, using positive reinforcement, and active listening are all effective techniques for communicating with individuals with BPD. It is also important to practice self-care, avoid triggering topics, and seek professional help if necessary. With patience, persistence, and effective communication, it is possible to build and maintain healthy relationships with individuals with BPD.

By Master James

Master James, a versatile wordsmith, possesses an unparalleled ability to delve into the depths of the General Niche, exploring a myriad of topics with finesse. His literary prowess extends across the vast tapestry of the USA, crafting engaging narratives that captivate readers from coast to coast. With a keen eye for detail and a passion for knowledge, Master James weaves together insightful perspectives on a broad spectrum of subjects, creating a literary landscape that mirrors the rich diversity of the American experience.

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